Matt Heath: Blackcaps poised for historic win

The sun came out and sanity returned to the Alternative Commentary Collective. The cabin fever, in-fighting and rain induced male nudity are a thing of the past. Day three of test cricket commentary was a challenge. Day four and it's the easiest job in the world.

Having said that I missed the first session. We run a strict dress code here in the Beefy Botham Commentary Box atop the North Stand. White shirt, black tie, green shorts, knee high socks and official cream jacket.

I have only one white shirt. Sadly I spilt a glass of red wine on it when a wheel came off a table at a Ponsonby bar. After I'd soaked it, washed it, bleached it, washed it again put it through the dryer, ironed it and headed to the ground it was around 4pm. Thankfully I arrived just in time to see Henry ''Hairy Nipples'' Nicholls get his 100. What a patient determined dogged peaches 'n cream innings it was too.

After the rough rain delays of day three it should have been plain sailing covering a dominant Black Caps on a pearler at our national stadium. But I wasn't the only member of the commentary team to face difficulties. Mike Lane fell out of an Uber into dog's leaving. Which he dragged all over his house. That was a two-hour clean up for him. Jeremy Wells got attacked by a couple of rabid Seven Sharp fans from Feilding. He got away but not before they ripped his white shirt off. He had to go home and get a new one. As a result Paul Ford and Lee Baker were forced into a marathon commentary stint. Particularly tough on Paul and his lovely wife Tracey on their sixth wedding anniversary.

Hopefully the team can regroup and bring it home on the fifth day - both the Alternative Commentary Collective and the Black Caps. Things are posed for an historic victory. So if you're in Auckland get down to Eden Park. If you can't tune in on iHeartradio or press the yellow button on your sky remote while watching the game for full ACC coverage.

This article was first published on nzherald.co.nz and is republished here with permission.